Hey, hi, howdy!

❗️❗️Trigger Warning : Miscarriage ❗️❗️

Happy 5th birthday to my angel baby, Jamie Blair! We miss you everyday! I wanted to use this day to write about my experience with my first pregnancy. So here we go….

The video posted below shows a combination of clips I have recorded throughout the years showing the good, bad, and how we cope.

It all started back in October of 2019. I found out I was pregnant on my birthday while we were on vacation. We were super surprised and shocked but quickly became excited!! We were quick to tell our family, which you will soon realize actually was the best decision. We moved forward with our lives as normal for the next couple weeks until I got in to see my doctor. At 6 weeks pregnant, we went into the doctor and everything seemed as good as it could (we got to see the baby, got a picture of the ultrasound, heard the heartbeat, etc.) but they said to come back in a couple weeks. So again, we waited and waited until I was 8 weeks. I went to the doctor and my husband met me there after he got off of work. I had my routine checkup, some lab work, and then finally an ultrasound. That ultrasound is one I will never forget. The technician telling us “your baby has no heartbeat” is the hardest thing I have ever experienced. It took us a bit and some conversations with the doctors to comprehend what had happened. Honestly, to this day I still don’t quite understand it all… It took quite a while for me and my husband to get back into our normal routine again. We were going through a rollercoaster of emotions every day. Some days we were sad. Some days we were angry. Some days we were happy. It was the toughest time of our relationship and we didn’t know how to move forward.

After a few days, I was scheduled to have surgery to make sure my body had gotten rid of all that it needed to. I went into the hospital that day preparing for the worst. I was lead into a room where they did yet another ultra sound. This time, it was good news. My doctor told me that my body had done its job by itself and I didn’t need to have surgery! Good news! It took weeks and weeks for my body to get back to normal, physically. It has taken years and years for my body to get back to normal, mentally.

Every year on June 24th, we celebrate baby Jamie Blair by blowing bubbles into the air hoping they would reach them in Heaven and eating cupcakes. This year they would have been five! I know Lita and Soren would have loved their older sibling, just like me and Josiah do.

Some people think that celebrating a baby that was only 8 weeks old is silly. But you don’t truly know what it is like until you go through it. This is just the way that our family likes to cope with it. Today is a hard and emotional day for us. We miss you, Jamie Blair. Every day.

Peace ✌️